Kendall's Kool-Aid: Uncorking the Banality of 818
- Editorial Team
- Oct 18, 2024
- 2 min read
The world of celebrity spirits. It’s a crowded bar, littered with the discarded dreams of actors turned vintners and musicians turned tequila tycoons. And now, Kendall Jenner, she of the perfectly arched eyebrow and meticulously curated Instagram feed, has decided to belly up with her own brand of tequila, 818.
Let’s be clear, I’ve sipped my fair share of celebrity-endorsed beverages. Some, surprisingly palatable. Others, best left forgotten at the bottom of a dimly lit nightclub. But 818, with its minimalist bottle and aspirational aura, promised something different. A touch of Kardashian-Jenner magic, perhaps? A taste of the good life, distilled?
The reality, I’m afraid, is far less intoxicating. 818, in all its iterations – blanco, reposado, añejo – tastes disappointingly… ordinary. Like a tequila designed by committee, focus-grouped to within an inch of its life. It lacks the raw, vegetal punch of a true highland tequila, the smooth, caramel notes of a well-aged lowland spirit. It’s… fine. And in a world saturated with options, "fine" simply isn't good enough.
Perhaps this is the curse of the celebrity spirit. The need to appeal to the masses, to be palatable (literally) to the widest possible audience. Gone are the rough edges, the quirks, the unique characteristics that make a spirit truly sing. In their place, a bland homogeneity, as predictable as the next Kardashian-Jenner scandal.
I recall a trip to Oaxaca years ago, a whirlwind of color and sound and scent. I remember the tequila we drank there, rough around the edges, fiery, alive. It tasted of the earth, of the sun, of the very soul of Mexico. It was an experience, not just a drink.
818, on the other hand, tastes of… marketing. Of carefully crafted Instagram posts and sponsored content. It’s the tequila equivalent of a filtered selfie – all surface, no depth. And while I’m sure Ms. Jenner’s heart is in the right place (or at least, in a strategically advantageous one), 818 feels less like a passion project and more like a calculated business move.
Which, in the end, is perhaps the most disappointing thing of all. Because the world doesn't need another celebrity tequila. It doesn’t need another bland, forgettable spirit designed to be splashed into a sugary cocktail and forgotten. What the world needs are spirits with soul, with stories to tell, with flavors that linger long after the last drop is gone.
So, Kendall, my advice? Ditch the marketing consultants. Lose the minimalist bottle. Find a small, passionate distillery in the heart of Mexico. Make a tequila that truly reflects your taste, your vision. Make a tequila that’s worthy of more than just a fleeting moment on Instagram. Make a tequila that’s actually… interesting.
Until then, I’ll be sticking to my mezcal.
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